Scientific Rules

From Lori's Humor Page


Part of Kuban's K-Paleo Place

Compendium of ground rules for laboratory workers:

1. When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly
2. First draw your curves then plot the data
3. Experience is directly proportional to the equipment ruined
4. Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail the same way

Skinners Constant:

The quantity which, when added to, subtracted from, divided by, or multiplied into the answer gives the correct answer.

Allenís Axiom:

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Gumbersonís Law:

The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Compensation Corollary:

An experiment is considered successful if no more than half of the data must be discarded to obtain agreement with your theory.

Carlsonís Consolation:

No experiment is a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.

Handy Guide to Modern Science

1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's part of biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.